Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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