Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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