i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
