I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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