we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
