so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
