I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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