Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
