Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They took my balls.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
