What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
