people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
