I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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