Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
