It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
