you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
