if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
