She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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