I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
