I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
