she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
