When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
