I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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