it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
