Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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