I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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