He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
