My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
