...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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