i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
