I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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