I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
