I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
