Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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