I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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