Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
