yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
