i already hear my dad disowning me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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