I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
