ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
