haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
