If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
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You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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