ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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