She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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