I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
