I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
