Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
