It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
