i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
