I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
