i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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