Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
