one two three fourrrrnication!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Your penis caused this!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
