Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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