Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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