I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
