conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
