Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
