..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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