I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
