you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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