Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
