I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
