Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
